I have always been quite a private person and therefore did not talk about K’s diagnosis very much even with my closest friends, though they were aware of it.

I would like to pause here briefly to make something absolutely plain. This should most definitely not be misconstrued as any form of embarrassment about K. I have always been very proud of him and never once lamented what some people refer to as a “loss” when we received the diagnosis (as is indicated here . Though what is related in this blog post is so completely and totally foreign to me as to be incomprehensible). That does not mean that there have not been times when all the stresses have not overwhelmed my meager emotional range and left me in poor spirits, but not once did I ever think less of K. To do so, in my mind, was to diminish who he was and, equally importantly, who he can and will be. This has been one of my strongest driving factors in trying to educate myself about autism and its many complexities, and apply that to the individual that is K. But in that time there were times, especially when he was not sleeping well, that it could feel very heavy, especially when one considers all that needs our attention. I cannot begin to praise Tracy enough here. In short, it could not have been managed without her! She has always been a much needed counterpoint to my personality; yin to my yang. This grossly oversimplified point serves to demonstrate my belief in the need for teamwork, partnership, and mutual support for we are above all else a family.

In starting this blog I have found a means of expressions that I could not find, or was not comfortable with, anywhere else. It has allowed me to release many thoughts and emotions with a certain, albeit false, sense of anonymity. I realize that last statement sounds rather nonsensical. How can posting on the internet be considered anonymous? I have chosen this forum because it not only allows me to express my thoughts and experiences but also fulfills another personal purpose, the desire to contribute and give back. One of the most significant things I have gained from reading many of the autism-centric blogs I frequent is a sense of not being alone. There is a certain, fundamentally human need to feel a sense of connectedness, despite my desire/need of personal privacy.

If no-one was ever to read this blog (though there may be a few out there) it would not change what it has done for my personal outlook. It has allowed the expression of many thoughts and feelings that have otherwise been trapped. It has helped remove some of the weight and gives me the feeling of “contributing” and provided some much needed catharsis. For anyone, likely dads out there, I would definitely recommend something like this. Perhaps a journal or diary if you desire more privacy and don’t feel comfortable with such things as blogs and support groups, but by all means do not do nothing. Ultimately I think that is self-defeating and can become a burden on the family and can further exacerbate what can already be difficult and stressful times.

As always I welcome your thoughts and comments.

I have been doing some brief reading of some of the subject matter and hope to look into it further, but in the mean time I have been collecting research papers on various topics within genetics that relate to autism. Many of the articles I have found I got from the American Journal of Human Genetics website. I have also copied many, but not all, of the research documents to our local repository that you can browse here.

Here is a link I found to Scientific American that discusses some of the current research in this area.

Feb. 13/08 UPDATE:
I am going to incorporate my google reader feed into this post once I get some other issues sorted out first and I get the blog back filled with old posts from the old site.