I have seen many references to this subject matter recently in some ASD blogs that I frequent. Some of those articles can be found here and here .

I have yet to digest all the latest information but it may have more of an impact on parents psyches then on much else. It will, for some, undoubtedly ease an erroneously guilty conscience about their child’s ASD and causality. Admittedly this has never been much of an issue for me, I will not begin to attempt to speak for Tracy in this area, as I feel that there is such a myriad of variables that to look to any specific area, or person for that matter, for causation may only serve as finger pointing and ultimately be counter-productive. Instead of looking to the past for causation I feel that parents need to look ahead for things they can control and do the best they can with those variables. Parents need to be a united team in helping ensure that all is being done that can be done and to provide the much needed support for one another. I have heard from multiple sources that the statistics for ASD families ending in divorce is quite high and finger-pointing and blame is likely to be a root cause, along with the inability for all members to cope, and not agreeing on a course of action to be taken.

In this regard I feel very lucky as Tracy and I have never once engaged in any discussion of this nature. Quite simply it was not necessary as we have always been in complete and total agreement about what needs to be done -everything and anything we can find and we agree will not be detrimental to K. There has never once been the need to delve into the subject any deeper.

I am hoping to read more on the subject for information and interest sake as it does fit in well with many of my personal interests and for good intellectual exercise.

On December 1 K accompanied his sister and I to her figure skating practice. I have taken him with me before and have found the experience somewhat harrowing. It is usually difficult for K to sit while I tie his sister’s skates and help her get ready for the ice. All of which may not sound too difficult but the problem comes when he wants to run away, not just in the local area of the warm room. Admittedly I find these situations more stressful than Tracy and her immeasurable patience, but I have been trying not to shy away from them and, at the same time, give K more latitude to explore while still respecting boundaries and practicing his listening skills. So it was that the 3 of us got in the car and headed for the rink and to my great surprise that K sat very patiently while I helped his sister get ready for the ice and we walked her out the the rink’s edge. Only a small reminder was needed to keep him off the ice and we were off to play in the arena, have a snack and watch big-sister skate. To my complete surprise and joy he was able to sit calmly while I helped with the skates, helmet, and gloves and we all got ready to go. Wow, a glimpse of what things must be like for “regular” families.

This trend of increased regulation continued, and I even noticed how well behaved K was at his older sister’s birthday party. Truth be told, he handled the whole thing better than I did! There were lots (13 to be exact) of 5-7 year olds and younger siblings running around all over the house and playing various games, all at volume levels that I’m sure were injurious to my hearing. Historically we have seen K not react well to these scenarios. His normal response is one of excitement (he loves when other kids come to visit/play even though he does not always interact with them in traditional ways), trying to participate, and finally overload occurs and he becomes increasingly irritable and we remove him from the situation to an area of calm where he can come down. This was not the case during “the party” and he went the duration and, upon reflection I may have been the one that exhibited his usual social gathering overload, was very pleasant and patient.

I wish I knew what was different during this time period or perhaps K is just feeling a lot of anxiety/anticipation for Christmas this year but his calm and regulation have definitely disappeared. We are hoping that once things get back to normal in the New year that he can get back on track and find that better regulated and calmer little boy. Now that would be a good Christmas gift!